she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
