it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i think i just lost a toe
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
