i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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