I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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