Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We named our party play list daddy issues
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
