So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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