Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
