YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
