I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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