I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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