This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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