the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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