Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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