Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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