Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize