Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
