anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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