I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
