I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
