I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
