3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
