Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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