oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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