we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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