he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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