Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My dick has a subreddit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
