She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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