he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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