yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
