I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
