yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
