so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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