Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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