im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize