the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
