so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
