so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
