What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
