please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
