So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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