Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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