Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
