I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
