She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
