That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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