You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
