My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
