i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
