I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Less talking, more tequila
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
