I'm eating all of the evidence.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
