Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
