Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
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So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize