Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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