There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
