I'm going to rape someone's good day.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
