I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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