He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
