I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
two words...techno handjob
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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