kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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